How to Become a Phone Actress

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How to Become a Photographer:

"Act like you’re going on an adventure, like sailing a boat: drop the sails. Go to Valparaiso or Chiloè, be in the street all day long, wander and wander in unknown places, sit under a tree when you’re tired, buy a banana or some bread and get on the first train, go wherever you like, and look, draw a bit, look. Get away from the things you know, get closer to those you don’t know, go from one place to the other, places you like. Then, you’ll start finding things, images will be forming into your head, consider them as apparitions."

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How to Become a Phoblographer:

"Felix is a massive gearhead and general technology enthusiast, and the only staff member based outside of the U.S. (namely in Germany.) He joined The Phoblographer back in early 2012, when he was still working as a research associate in his original field of training, historical linguistics. In late 2013, he left his academic career to focus on working as a freelance writer in the photo industry, with The Phoblographer being his main occupation."

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How to Become a Phonographer:

"Well, I'm really not too sure exactly what I want to do. But I think the main thing you have to do is…be kind of involved with other people, you know? At the same time you're helping people, but, uh, you make out all right yourself. I mean, you know, you get money and stuff. Also and, uh, I don't know, just try to live, you know. Not just go around doing just being by yourself, not doing anything for anybody else. That's just more existing than living…"

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How to Become a Pornographer:

"[Larry Flynt] lost his own virginity at the age of nine, to a chicken. He describes penetrating its egg sack, and how 'when I let the chicken go, it started towards the main house, staggering, squawking and bleeding' – so he immediately killed it. Did you feel bad for the chicken? 'What? No. It was a' – long breath, gasp – 'chicken.'"

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How to Become None of The Above:

"Advice? I don't have advice. Stop aspiring and start writing. If you're writing, you're a writer. Write like you're a goddamn death row inmate and the governor is out of the country and there's no chance for a pardon. Write like you're clinging to the edge of a cliff, white knuckles, on your last breath, and you've got just one last thing to say, like you're a bird flying over us and you can see everything, and please, for God's sake, tell us something that will save us from ourselves. Take a deep breath and tell us your deepest, darkest secret, so we can wipe our brow and know that we're not alone. Write like you have a message from the king. Or don't. Who knows, maybe you're one of the lucky ones who doesn't have to."